A little Billy Joel for thought:
In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along
I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense
And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose
But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break
And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows
So I would choose to be with you
As if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
It's Official: I am a terribly uncommitted blogger.
Between family, work, friends and a seemingly unforgiving calendar, it's just not as easy to find time to write as it used to be.
I'm looking at you, Peyton J. Rood.
I used to at least be able to sit down and write after the ginger child was asleep, but since he has decided that my bed is, in fact, HIS bed and won't go to sleep any other way that I can commit to taking the time out for...and the computer has many many many "butties" (buttons) that he can't keep his hands off of...I find myself only able to check and update facebook and twitter on my phone which I can more effectively keep out of reach.
Also, I'm dog-sitting for my former co-worker this week, which adds a whole other element to the fray. When Man-friend was over last night, we found ourselves sitting on the couch with a puppy, a recently-bathed almost two-year-old watching "Aladdin."
The exciting life of a 25-year-old single mother. Eat your hearts out.
All of this said, I found a strange sense of renewed self...I'm not sure what to call it...worth? interest? indvidualism? Something! This came about yesterday as I was booking in and creating an agenda for my short 3-day trip to Colorado next week. The trip was originally scheduled as a an opportunity to see current best-friend, former boyfriend, and future celebrity perform in "Chicago" - the first time I've seen him perform since he was in high school! Getting to see him on opening night next week will be really special, but what's going to be, potentially, even MORE special is that outside of that one evening, I have all of this other TIME to do things. By myself. Just me. No kids, boyfriends, friends, parents, siblings, etc. etc. Just me.
I'm not sure I remember the last time that happened. Naturally, I have filled the time to the brim but...but I'm so excited to do these things BY MYSELF. Maybe I'll meet some new people and enjoy the fleeting moments of conversation with strangers I'll probably never see again. I'll enjoy seeing a show and laying in the hotel rooms BY MYSELF. I didn't realize how much I was craving some "alone" time.
So, I'm arriving in Denver at something like 7:30 in the morning, renting my first car as a newly minted 25-year-old driver (a jetta!!!), then driving into Denver where I plan to shop, find some place fun to have lunch and then am going to see a performance of "South Pacific" at the Denver Center (where I have seen "Proof" and "Hamlet" on earlier visits) before heading up to Greeley to the Sod-Buster Inn (the first B&B I've stayed at...well...ever!)
I'll see "Chicago" Thursday night with all of Anthony's family and then don't have any huge plans yet for Friday. Never trust a boy to have plans in the works...even though he does have a girlfriend/fiance/future wife. I think it's possible she's even less of a planner than he is.
It's funny becuase I've been very thoughtful regarding my own personal flaws and idiosyncrasies lately and it's making me very thoughtful and perhaps more objective about some of the people in my life who I have been too close to in the past to judge accurately. Interesting stuff.
Oh growing up.
No promised on a more committed blogging schedule - except that I might be able to do it from CO next week while I'm relaxing in the mountains.
I'm looking at you, Peyton J. Rood.
I used to at least be able to sit down and write after the ginger child was asleep, but since he has decided that my bed is, in fact, HIS bed and won't go to sleep any other way that I can commit to taking the time out for...and the computer has many many many "butties" (buttons) that he can't keep his hands off of...I find myself only able to check and update facebook and twitter on my phone which I can more effectively keep out of reach.
Also, I'm dog-sitting for my former co-worker this week, which adds a whole other element to the fray. When Man-friend was over last night, we found ourselves sitting on the couch with a puppy, a recently-bathed almost two-year-old watching "Aladdin."
The exciting life of a 25-year-old single mother. Eat your hearts out.
All of this said, I found a strange sense of renewed self...I'm not sure what to call it...worth? interest? indvidualism? Something! This came about yesterday as I was booking in and creating an agenda for my short 3-day trip to Colorado next week. The trip was originally scheduled as a an opportunity to see current best-friend, former boyfriend, and future celebrity perform in "Chicago" - the first time I've seen him perform since he was in high school! Getting to see him on opening night next week will be really special, but what's going to be, potentially, even MORE special is that outside of that one evening, I have all of this other TIME to do things. By myself. Just me. No kids, boyfriends, friends, parents, siblings, etc. etc. Just me.
I'm not sure I remember the last time that happened. Naturally, I have filled the time to the brim but...but I'm so excited to do these things BY MYSELF. Maybe I'll meet some new people and enjoy the fleeting moments of conversation with strangers I'll probably never see again. I'll enjoy seeing a show and laying in the hotel rooms BY MYSELF. I didn't realize how much I was craving some "alone" time.
So, I'm arriving in Denver at something like 7:30 in the morning, renting my first car as a newly minted 25-year-old driver (a jetta!!!), then driving into Denver where I plan to shop, find some place fun to have lunch and then am going to see a performance of "South Pacific" at the Denver Center (where I have seen "Proof" and "Hamlet" on earlier visits) before heading up to Greeley to the Sod-Buster Inn (the first B&B I've stayed at...well...ever!)
I'll see "Chicago" Thursday night with all of Anthony's family and then don't have any huge plans yet for Friday. Never trust a boy to have plans in the works...even though he does have a girlfriend/fiance/future wife. I think it's possible she's even less of a planner than he is.
It's funny becuase I've been very thoughtful regarding my own personal flaws and idiosyncrasies lately and it's making me very thoughtful and perhaps more objective about some of the people in my life who I have been too close to in the past to judge accurately. Interesting stuff.
Oh growing up.
No promised on a more committed blogging schedule - except that I might be able to do it from CO next week while I'm relaxing in the mountains.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
The Snow Day Lives!
In a testament to adult life not being bereft of all childhood pleasures, my employer called a "snowday" today thanks to crazy winds, -20 windchill and more snow last night than I've seen in Kansas in my lifetime.
How am I celebrating? I'm sitting in my parent's basement watching my son play with blocks while "High School Musical 3: Senior Year" plays on the big screen.
So what if I'm not out sledding. It's friggin' cold out.
Okay. I'm old.
Except for watching High School Musical and knowing all of the words. That Sharpay...I will always like her better than the simpering Gabriella who makes me want to punch her in the face every single time she walks on screen. The only reason I don't turn her off is that she often shares the screen with the first actor that I considered myself "too old for" that also made me salivate a little. Dear Zac Efron.
It's the singing thing. I'm just sayin'. Never been a man that could sing that I turned my nose up at.
Alright, one-year-old's makin' a break for the stairs...there's a broken arm in the making. Happy Snow Day!
How am I celebrating? I'm sitting in my parent's basement watching my son play with blocks while "High School Musical 3: Senior Year" plays on the big screen.
So what if I'm not out sledding. It's friggin' cold out.
Okay. I'm old.
Except for watching High School Musical and knowing all of the words. That Sharpay...I will always like her better than the simpering Gabriella who makes me want to punch her in the face every single time she walks on screen. The only reason I don't turn her off is that she often shares the screen with the first actor that I considered myself "too old for" that also made me salivate a little. Dear Zac Efron.
It's the singing thing. I'm just sayin'. Never been a man that could sing that I turned my nose up at.
Alright, one-year-old's makin' a break for the stairs...there's a broken arm in the making. Happy Snow Day!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
New Year - Hey, 2010, how YOU doin'?
I noticed on my best friend's twitter last week that she kept referencing something called "C25k" I'm nosey and so I googled it, thinking it was code for something trendy or popular that I should have known about. Note: I will always google something before appearing ignorant. This is a flaw.
So c25k turns out to be "couch to 5 K" - a running program. I hate running. I like the IDEA of running. I have always watched people that run on movies or known people that run in real life and thought "Really? I don't believe they can talk to their friend while running. I am huffing and puffing and I don't want to talk to ANYBODY." This assumes I've run before. I've tried it. So much as I would like to be a "runner" I still think of myself as the high schooler who came up with every excuse in the book in order to avoid the dread mile run in P.E. It seems counterintuitive to CHOOSE to run.
I have a friend who started a running training proram in Virginia. He wanted to run a half marathon, and then someday a marathon. A couple weeks ago, I called him to see what he was up to. It was early afternoon on a Saturday. "Well, I ran 15 miles this morning so I'm a little tired now."
WHAT?!?! Who run FIFTEEN friggin miles just becuase they can? That's INSANE. Or at least it sounds insane.
This leads me back to reading up "Couch to 5K" which I could buy into a little because, well, I walk and I work out so I felt like I had a leg up from being the "COUCH" end of the spectrum. And, after looking at the program, the first week only made you run 60 seconds for any given time. You alternated a minute of jogging with 90 seconds of walking. Piece of cake, right? Okay, so the first workout was not such a piece of cake. I also did it on New Year's Eve after a week and a half of eating like CRAP over the holidays. I felt out of shape and like I should stick a nametag on that said "fatty mcfatterson from the land of couch and cookies"
However, I did it again on Sunday (following the dictated only 3 times a week, space your runs and DON'T over-do it) and didn't feel so much like dying.
THEN, I went again last night after work and before Taco Tuesdays with the friends and I ROCKED it. Now clearly, the next run is the step up and will probably suck again. Maybe that's the point. Just when you start to kick ass on one level, you move up a level and get humbled at how unfit you are. At least for another 8 weeks that's what will happen.
At any rate, it's a New Year and this time last year I was still, oh, about 20 pounds bigger thanks to giving birth to an almost 9 pound baby (who is now a 26 pound toddler - HOW DID THAT HAPPEN). So, New Year, new jogging program.
And New Year - new blog. It's been brought to my attention that writing is something I should be doing more of. And a very wise man that I worked for in New York (yes, Adam, if you ever read this - I just called you wise) wrote in his blog as "practice writing" of sorts. A mental workout. So I'm working out physically and mentally. How good am I?
And here's why - life is pretty good for all intents and purposes right now. So it's time to focus on some new goals. Work is pretty much the same, motherhood is awesome, I'm finally living somewhere I LOVE. So, in typical me-fashion, that means it's time to start some new projects.
Here's what I'm NOT focusing on in the 2010: men. There, I said it. I'm a single mother who works full time and is happy. I don't need a man to complete that. (I'm going to mantra that till I believe it) I am not going to die cold and alone, so I'm going to not worry about the fact that in exactly 6 months I will be 25 (...and still unmarried).
So, focus on me and the people I currently love. Focus on stuff that makes me happy. So, in conclusion, 2010 should have at least these things:
1) More writing (go blog!) - and maybe an earnest effort to figure out how to get published.
2) More fitness - couch to 5k here I come. I'm going to chronicle it here so that I stick to it - maybe I'll be a runner yet!
3) Grad School - going to take the GRE and hopefully start at least A class at KU -Edwards Campus in the Fall of 2010 (becuase then I'll graduate in the Fall of 2013 - OY! But that will be High School Reunion Year - so hopefully i'll be able to say "yo high school folks - I almost have my Master's, I'm a published writer, I have a 3.5 year old son who's AWESOME, and look at my tight ass from all the running I do")
And they will still say "So you're not married?"
And hopefully, I won't care if the answer is no.
So c25k turns out to be "couch to 5 K" - a running program. I hate running. I like the IDEA of running. I have always watched people that run on movies or known people that run in real life and thought "Really? I don't believe they can talk to their friend while running. I am huffing and puffing and I don't want to talk to ANYBODY." This assumes I've run before. I've tried it. So much as I would like to be a "runner" I still think of myself as the high schooler who came up with every excuse in the book in order to avoid the dread mile run in P.E. It seems counterintuitive to CHOOSE to run.
I have a friend who started a running training proram in Virginia. He wanted to run a half marathon, and then someday a marathon. A couple weeks ago, I called him to see what he was up to. It was early afternoon on a Saturday. "Well, I ran 15 miles this morning so I'm a little tired now."
WHAT?!?! Who run FIFTEEN friggin miles just becuase they can? That's INSANE. Or at least it sounds insane.
This leads me back to reading up "Couch to 5K" which I could buy into a little because, well, I walk and I work out so I felt like I had a leg up from being the "COUCH" end of the spectrum. And, after looking at the program, the first week only made you run 60 seconds for any given time. You alternated a minute of jogging with 90 seconds of walking. Piece of cake, right? Okay, so the first workout was not such a piece of cake. I also did it on New Year's Eve after a week and a half of eating like CRAP over the holidays. I felt out of shape and like I should stick a nametag on that said "fatty mcfatterson from the land of couch and cookies"
However, I did it again on Sunday (following the dictated only 3 times a week, space your runs and DON'T over-do it) and didn't feel so much like dying.
THEN, I went again last night after work and before Taco Tuesdays with the friends and I ROCKED it. Now clearly, the next run is the step up and will probably suck again. Maybe that's the point. Just when you start to kick ass on one level, you move up a level and get humbled at how unfit you are. At least for another 8 weeks that's what will happen.
At any rate, it's a New Year and this time last year I was still, oh, about 20 pounds bigger thanks to giving birth to an almost 9 pound baby (who is now a 26 pound toddler - HOW DID THAT HAPPEN). So, New Year, new jogging program.
And New Year - new blog. It's been brought to my attention that writing is something I should be doing more of. And a very wise man that I worked for in New York (yes, Adam, if you ever read this - I just called you wise) wrote in his blog as "practice writing" of sorts. A mental workout. So I'm working out physically and mentally. How good am I?
And here's why - life is pretty good for all intents and purposes right now. So it's time to focus on some new goals. Work is pretty much the same, motherhood is awesome, I'm finally living somewhere I LOVE. So, in typical me-fashion, that means it's time to start some new projects.
Here's what I'm NOT focusing on in the 2010: men. There, I said it. I'm a single mother who works full time and is happy. I don't need a man to complete that. (I'm going to mantra that till I believe it) I am not going to die cold and alone, so I'm going to not worry about the fact that in exactly 6 months I will be 25 (...and still unmarried).
So, focus on me and the people I currently love. Focus on stuff that makes me happy. So, in conclusion, 2010 should have at least these things:
1) More writing (go blog!) - and maybe an earnest effort to figure out how to get published.
2) More fitness - couch to 5k here I come. I'm going to chronicle it here so that I stick to it - maybe I'll be a runner yet!
3) Grad School - going to take the GRE and hopefully start at least A class at KU -Edwards Campus in the Fall of 2010 (becuase then I'll graduate in the Fall of 2013 - OY! But that will be High School Reunion Year - so hopefully i'll be able to say "yo high school folks - I almost have my Master's, I'm a published writer, I have a 3.5 year old son who's AWESOME, and look at my tight ass from all the running I do")
And they will still say "So you're not married?"
And hopefully, I won't care if the answer is no.
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